Faithing With Our Children

Summer Homily series 2009 - Who is Jesus to me Now?

Jana Gerbrandt

When the topic for the summer homily series came up it seemed like a good time to share some of thoughts that have been rambling around in my brain for the past few years.  I’ve been thinking a lot about how I encounter Jesus in the midst of my parenting and busyness with kids rather than trying to set aside separate ‘time alone with God’  which just won’t happen. How do I faith with my children?

Scott and I also saw this as an opportunity for some joint learning and so next week you will hear more from him about encountering Jesus through parenting.  As we read through the Mark passages that make up the lectionary readings for this summer two of the themes that emerged were the way that Jesus serves others and His compassion.

I would like to focus on the area of service.  As I parent, and most often, as I struggle in less than ideal parenting moments, I find myself reflecting about how I could be doing this differently, how can I be demonstrating Christ’s love to my children, how did He do it?

Throughout Mark we see Jesus going about his daily life and being ‘interrupted, bothered, demands placed on Him’ by others.  He chooses to respond by serving them.  He doesn’t gripe and ask when he gets time to himself or why they can’t fend for themselves.  He serves in joy and makes people’s lives more whole.

Just asking the question about how Jesus would respond to demanding situations is the first step.  The challenge for me is to actually come up with some concrete answers to those questions and not just how would Jesus but how can I since much as I strive to follow Christ’s example, I know I will always fall short.

We have been very aware of attachment theory while parenting and the understanding that the more ‘attached’ and bonded your children are to you, the better able they are to strike out on their own with confidence.  Jesus had the ultimate strong attachment with His father and so was able to strike out with confidence and authority.  How do we develop that attachment and demonstrate our faith to our children so that they can grow up with that same confidence?  Time is a big part of it.  The time to be present, the time to listen, the time to share, but also the time to be of service to others and to practice our faith so that our children are learning by example.

In Mark 4 the parable of the mustard seed talks about the smallest seed on earth growing into the greatest of shrubs.  As parents, how do we help our children not only to grow up but to grow up well and become people who can provide place for others to find shelter?  We want our children to grow up to be kingdom builders – to be other focused, compassionate and willing to serve.  In order to do this we need to not only meet their needs but also set limits and teach them to look out for others.  This is the part that is really hard, character development is never easy and causes lots of grief and anxiety along the way both for children and adults.

Farther in Mark 4 is the story of the storm.  When the disciples wake Jesus and say ‘ do you not care that we are perishing?’  His response is ‘why are you afraid?  Have you still no faith?  How often as parents do we expect our children to feel safe and cared for just because we are their parents?  When God has this same expectation of us, do we accept this as easily?

Jesus responds to the dying girl in Mark 5 with care and gentleness, understands her needs and tells her parents to get her food.  In Mark 6, Jesus gathers his disciples together and goes away in order to rest and to hear from them.  To take the time to share their lives together.  As we struggle through difficult times, sharing those times with others eases the burdens and often gives us new perspectives that we may not have seen before.  As a community, I would encourage us to continue with our joint sharing and learning, especially in the area of encouraging each other and our children to be kingdom builders.  Discussing or questioning each others parenting practices seems to be a taboo subject.  On reflecting on why this is, one of the conclusions we have come to is probably because it is so personal.  Our children’s behaviour and actions speaks to who they are but speaks even more to who we are as parents.  This is about our charcter flaws and development as adults.  Having people point out our failures or places where we fall short of Christ’s example is not fun and can be painful.  We would rather avoid this or struggle with it on our own.  Imagine how much closer we would be to the Kingdom on earth if we were all able to work on developing our characters, becoming more Christlike and passing those values and attributes on to our kids.

The challenge for me in being a parent is how do I serve my children and do it joyfully?  When I am tired and feel the constant demands of the day it is difficult to happily prepare a meal to feed my children or patiently wait while my child keeps making up and changing the rules to the game we are playing.  The constant ‘mom, mom, mommy?’ is enough to drive me around the bend some days.  And yet other days my children provide so much joy, their interesting comments on the world around them, taking a half hour to walk home from Laura Secord because there is so much to observe and explore along the way, enjoying slow ‘unproductive’ times that are really opportunities to take in more of the world around me, or to reflect, their goofy little actions like walking into the room with a spoon hanging from their nose, the way they turn things on their heads, make me laugh (Tim – mom, I have flexible eyes so I can see in the dark, Kyle – Mom, Chair and bear don’t sound the same – bear’s growl) and the way they tug at my heart strings.

Jesus is able to see these moments with his ‘children’ regardless of his level of tiredness.  He reminds me to continue to give of myself, despite my own needs; to think about what is best for my children at all times, and to always put others first.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t take care of myself but that I am challenged to find ways to do that that don’t take away from the needs of my children.  Jesus calls me into a closer relationship with Him, to follow His example and to study the relationship that He has with his parent.  I would challenge you this week to reflect on the images of God as mother or father in scripture and to think about your relationship as a parent, caergiver, or child and how you relate to God as a parent. Jesus also reminds us to not be so hard on ourselves, as ultimately He is the one caring for us and our children.

A verse from Isaiah really struck a cord with me.  Jesus is often compared to the Good Shepherd who cares for his sheep.  In Isaiah 40 it says: ‘ He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart, He gently leads those that have young.’  Being a parent of young children is a challenging and rewarding job.  Jesus leads us through it gently and with compassion and sets an example for us of how to care with service and compassion.