Doubt

DOUBT
I am a doubter. I can identify very well with the story of Thomas. However, according to the story told in todayʼs gospel reading, Thomas got his chance to have the real proof. I am still in the ʻdoubterʼ category.

I think that I have always been a ʻdoubterʼ. I remember trying to engage my parents and Sunday School teachers in a lot of doubting questions:
How could the world have been created in seven days?
Why are there two Genesis creation stories? Which one is true?
Why was it OK for God to cause many innocent people to be killed as recounted in the old testament?
How can a person who is really dead become alive again?
And so on.

At that time and place, the answers I received were mostly put offs and platitudes. My mother especially was very threatened by questions relating to faith and the bible. So I began to keep my questions to myself. That practice continued for many years. My doubts and questions were amplified by a scientific education. But being a doubter has also forced me to be a seeker and to constantly reevaluate what I believe. My world view changes with knowledge and experience and I have to adjust what is core to me.
Hearing the story of Thomas as a child, it was intimated that being a ʻdoubting Thomasʼ was bad. But I believe that doubting and questioning can actually be a good thing.

There was an article in the Canadian Mennonite recently by Troy Watson, a Mennonite pastor in St. Catherines, Ontario, called “The Art of Believing”. He says “The art of believing is hard work if it is done meaningfully. If we are genuine seekers of truth, we will not be afraid to question things we have held sacred most of our lives. In fact, I believe we will begin to see that our questioning is just as sacred as our believing. We donʼt see reality as it is - but as we really are. We see the world through our particular lens and that lens can distort reality. We see what we want to see or have been conditioned to see.”

So I am going to take a risk and share with you some of where some of my doubts and questions have taken me.
All through Lent, Palm Sunday, Holy Week with Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter we have walked our way through the stories of the important events of Jesusʼ life. Weʼve entered into the story through drama, readings, music, dance, symbols and rituals in a deep and powerful way.

Some of you, perhaps many of you, believe that this is an actual accounting of a series of historical events and I definitely donʼt want in any way to disturb those beliefs. But I also so know that there are some among us, myself included, who are doubters and sometimes not sure what to really make of it all. After all, it was all written down a long time after the alleged events took place, at a time of a very different world view and environment. It was written by human people. And the stories which are included in our Bible were chosen by particular people at at particular time in history for a variety of reasons.

So, this morning Iʼd like you to be a little radical. Hold the judgement for now, and imagine that this whole story is an allegory that has hidden meanings and universal truths that are so amazing, it took this incredible story to demonstrate them. Image that the story of Jesus is the story of each of us and our souls in allegorical form. Each of us, every human, has come into existence with the spark of the divine in us. We are wonderfully made and formed in the image of god. We are an incarnation of the divine
in human flesh.

Our lives are a journey - a journey of first of all becoming aware of our divineness. That alone can be difficult - like Jesus, we have our own wildernesses, be they internal or external, with struggles and temptations. We are often, especially in our religious upbringings, made to feel the guilt and shame of being human, rather than rejoicing at the amazing news that we are also a little bit divine. We are bombarded by news of the evil and suffering that our fellow human beings and we ourselves inflict on each other and the earth. There are those who use their power to divide us up and separate us for their own ends.

So perhaps this humanness of ours is the cross that we have to suffer on. The cross of being physical matter. Itʼs a hard job living this way, as physical beings carrying the Christ within us. So we look to the story of how Jesus did it and what he taught about what it means to live into our divineness. He demonstrated it over and over.

He related to people outside his cultural group ( the Samaritan woman), to children. He challenged the social norms of the day. He healed people who were considered untouchable. He ate with, and looked after, both his friends and strangers. He demonstrated humility, courage, generosity, and submission, but he didnʼt hesitate to challenge the religious practices that were both abusing people and giving religion a bad name at that time. Perhaps if climate change and species destruction had been known at that time he would have taught about that too.

So.... recognizing our inherent divinity crucified on the cross of physical matter - we are continuously being transformed/resurrected to live and grow and die as spirit filled human beings. And if we recognize this in ourselves and acknowledge that all people are made this way - we cannot continue to harm each other or allow our brothers and sisters to endure injustice and suffering.

Looking at this ancient story in this way as a spiritual allegory of the soul also calls for each of us to take fullest responsibility for our own moral struggle. As Paul reminds us in one of the epistles, we must “ work out our own salvation in fear and trembling”. We must continue to evolve stirring into full awakening the latent nature of god within us.

For me, looking at the gospel story in this way has made the message more true and given new meaning and vibrancy to it. It has even made some of our rituals and symbols more meaningful that ever for me.

So I want to continue to be a doubter, a questioner, and accept that as part of my sacred journey towards eternal life. And I hope that you, too, can consider your doubts and questions as, not a failure of faith, but an authentic part of your sacred journey.

May 1, 2011
Susan Clark