Corpse Prayer: A tool for transforming fear into playful compassion
Saturday, November 27, 2010 at 09:48AM Jarem Sawatsky
Grain of Wheat Church Community, Sunday Nov 21, 2010
My dear friends, You know that recently I have been diagnosed with the Huntington’s disease gene, this means I will get this disease at some point and that there is currently no cure. Among other things, It is a long slow degernation to death – where slowly over 20 years, I get to practice the spiritual discipline of letting go of every piece that you thought made you human. This influences a person’s thinking. Before my diagnosis, I vowed that either way we would have a party to welcome the next part of our journey. Rhona and I planned that if I had it, we would make the party a –mover and shaker party. If you’ve seen anyone with Huntington’s you know that one of the symptoms is involuntary movement - so we that we have a mover and shaker party – and require all who come to bring something to eat or drink that moves or shakes. You know – like a James bond martini – shaken not stirred. When we explained this plan to the genetic counsellor for Huntington’s she very carefully and professionally asked, are you being serious? We told her we were – and instantaneously the professionally manicured look of concern on her face was interrupted by a giggle, a real smile and then a laugh. The counsellor was prepared for our sorrow, for our anger, for bitterness, but she was not prepared to want to love our enemy. I told her I was a surrounded by a community that we see the value of embracing your path, even if it be full of suffering and lead to death. I want to take this homily to explore why it is important that you come to our mover and shaker party – so that we can celebrate life and death and everything in between.
The Colossians passage speaks of giving thanks to the God whom reconciles all things. The Luke passage has Jesus at the moment before his death. These are not easy to put these passages together. Often we stop ourselves from thinking about death or dying. We shrug it off and say it is too morbid or it is not for this time. But I want to hold death and dying infront of you. I believe it is our fear and revulsion of death, which inhibits our ability to live well and to die well. We can transform our fear of death into playful and compassionate embrace of both life and death. We can live in the present without fear. If there is an elephant that won’t go away in the room (like Huntington’s) we can learn to dance with the elephant. It might be very pleasant, even healing. It might even look like a mover and shaker party. But before we can get there, we have to face into death and dying – as Jesus was in the Luke story. So let me take you on a bit of a journey taking you to places you may not want to go.
I want to share with you a kind of prayer that I am experimenting with. This is not easy but it does seem to be bearing good fruit.
I want for you to take a moment to imagine the last three minutes of your life – where will you be? What will you be doing? Who else is there? Will it be sudden? Will you be suffering? Will you have suffered for a long time already? What emotions and thoughts will be going through your body?
Picture your self –as if you are watching tv screen. As you watch, listen to the emotions that currently arise within you as you watch this movie. Do not identify yourself with these emotions but recognize that they are currently rising within in. If these emotions are primarily fear and anxiety – then you know this is a tender topic that needs your careful attention. Let us practice loving yourself at the point of your death.
As you picture yourself dying: Try saying these phrases
-Be not afraid
-I give thanks to God who created all things good
-In Christ all things hold together
-I am not entitled to life without death
-I embrace sacred life. I embrace sacred death. I embrace the growing and crumbling inbetween.
smile at yourself
Now picture the moment that your body is being buried. Think of that moment your body returns to the earth - when you coffin is lowered and reaches the end of it journey.
Picture yourself there. See the movie. Listen to the emotions that currently arise within you. Do not identify yourself with these emotions but recognize that they are currently rising within in
As you picture yourself dead and just starting to decay: Try saying these phrases
-Be not afraid
-I give thanks to God who created all things good
-In Christ all things hold together
-I am not entitled to life without death (remember that you will die)
-I embrace sacred life. I embrace sacred death. I embrace the growing and crumbling inbetween.
-smile at yourself
Now picture your body 2 years after your death, when your body is decomposing and the worms are eating your flesh.
As you picture yourself dead and well decayed: Try saying these phrases
-Be not afraid
-I give thanks to God who created all things good
-In Christ all things hold together
-I am not entitled to life without death (remember that you will die)
-I embrace sacred life. I embrace sacred death. I embrace the growing and crumbling inbetween.
smile at yourself
Now picture your body 80 years later when all that is left is bone, or move even further into the future and watch as even your bones turn to dust.
Again picture your bones. Listen to your emotions .
As you picture yourself dead and turning to dust: Try saying these phrases
-Be not afraid
-I give thanks to God who created all things good
-In Christ all things hold together
-I am not entitled to life without death (remember that you will die)
-I embrace sacred life. I embrace sacred death. I embrace the growing and crumbling inbetween.
smile at yourself
My dear friends, it is only when we get over our fear and revulsion of death , that we can embrace life in the present moment. When we are still full of fear of death, we will be prone to one of two mistakes either 1.. filling our present life with all kinds of distractions so that we don’t have to reflect on things or 2.. we will reflect on life but be filled with fear and wrong perception – this will create feelings of bitterness and injustice. Because we were never taught that being created good included the intention that we should die – not as punishment but as part of life. When we remove the fear, we can remove the wrong perceptions and then we can try to join with spirit of the Colossians passage – of living in gratitude and looking for reconciliation. We can start to more playful engage with the world – knowing that many things do not matter as much as we think they do. When you are no longer afraid of your own death or dying you can engage with the kind of creative fearlessness that inspired Gandhi when he said “They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me. Then, they will have my dead body -- not my obedience.” My hope is that this death prayer, might guide you to the kind of wisdom, that has inspired Rhona and I to invite you (at some yet to be determined date) to a mover and shaker party to welcome Huntington’s Disease into our family as friend rather than foe.