Part Two - Being a Spiritual Friend
Gospel reading for June 29, 2008
Matthew 16:13-19:
Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, "Who do men say that the Son of Man is?" And they said, "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter replied, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in Heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My Church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in Heaven."
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How to be a spiritual friend
Apologetics is a word that means – the study of how to give a reasonable defense for the Christian faith. Now, right away the word "defense" suggests a bit of an aggressive, or even war-like stance. It's probably better to think of apologetics more like the word that it sounds like: an apology.
Thinking of it this way, will change the way we share our faith. Instead of a defense of faith, we begin with an apology… that goes something like:
I'm sorry we Christians have so often put roadblocks up for spiritual seekers through our narrow-mindedness, our failure to bridge racial and cultural and class barriers, and our lack of acceptance. I'm sincerely sorry. Please don't blame Jesus for our failure to live up to his teaching and example. And be assured that we'll try to do better, with God's help. Please pray for us, okay?
Last week, I talked about some of the reasons of why we are called to share our faith. If you don't remember any of them, that's okay, we can have a conversation (or you can go to the DNSS blog, where the homily is posted, the address is in your announcements). Today, I want to reflect on the how. But, if you are looking for a numbered list of ways to check off, or a step-by-step guide on How to Share Your Faith, I'm afraid you will be disappointed. I am not trying to cover this topic extensively in my brief reflection, its a large topic, and we will hear a lot about it this summer - but more importantly: the "how" of sharing our faith is as deep, complex and even as organic as we are. Because it is about how we are with each other. How we are in relationship, and how we can be spiritual friends to each other. I am not just talking about how we may share our faith to those who are without faith, or those seeking faith, but how we share with other people that do have a faith.
There needs to be a shift in the evangelistic approach where we have all the answers, all the doctrine, all the ways, hows and therefores of God figured out – and that we all we need to do is impart that knowledge to each other. The shift is toward realizing that we are on this path together, and we walk with each other into the knowing of Jesus – Brian McLaren in his book More Ready than you Realize suggests letting go of the word evangelism and the stigmas that go along with it; he suggests replacing it with disciple-making. I really like that phrase - we are making disciples out of each other.
We can know all about Jesus, but the call is to know Jesus. Or another way of saying this - and if you remember only one thing about my homily today it is this: It is not about proving Jesus, it is about knowing Jesus.
Jesus was an amazing conversationalist. Jesus was short on sermons, and long on conversations, short on answers and long on questions, short on abstractions and propositions, long on stories and parables, short on telling you what to think, and long on challenging you to think for yourself.
There is a wonderful example in today's gospel. Jesus asks "Who do people say the son of man is?" and the disciples answer, "Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah and others say…" at this point if I was writing this story I'd have Jesus interrupt them (maybe that would be out of character) but anyway, for Jesus to say, "No, no, no who do you say I am?"
It is a personal question that requires a personal answer – and Peter responds with a confession of faith. "You are the Messiah, the son of the living God." That is how Peter knows Jesus – this is much more important than what has been said about Jesus.
This personal knowing of Jesus is important to consider when we share our faith – to understand that we can't make people know Jesus the way we know him. Not only is that impossible, thinking that way could be quite detrimental.
I am suggesting gentleness, and openness, and non-interruptedness (something I truly doubt Jesus ever did). I am suggesting a friendship where you can be yourself; create an open and safe environment for questions of all sorts. And a spiritual friendship, a good name for what I am describing, may not even get to those questions for quite some time. To begin with, like any friendship, and I would say even more vital here - it is so important to listen.
I am very passionate about this topic, and I could go on with this idea of spiritual friendship. But it occurred to me that a story would be a much better way to explain what I'm talking about.
I'd known Kevin and his wife Monica for a long time, I went to art school with Kevin and we moved to Toronto around the same time. They both knew me before I "became a Christian" – and for the years after. We never talked much about it. Sometimes Kevin would give me some gentle ribbing about it, and early on it, I admit it stung a bit (but that said more about my own insecurity). Then, last month, Reba and I went to Toronto and stayed with Kevin and Monica. I found it interesting that they were asking me more and more about this church gig – so, what is it that you do, anyway?
Even though, I had been friends for a long time, I answered the questions briefly, very briefly. I knew they had some opinions on religious people, some fairly strong ones. So I'd say: oh it's sort of like being a counsellor, administrator, group leader thing. Like a camp counsellor? Well, not really, but some days. Then I think I changed the subject.
Our last night there, Monica and I were up drinking wine while Kevin was working. That day Reba and I had gone to the Royal Ontario Museum – mostly for the dinosaurs and such, but there was an exhibit on the history of disabilities – how care facilities had changed, as well as the history of the stigma's associated with the disabled. Monica's work is engineering systems that help the disabled, both personally (like wheelchairs for quadriplegics) or making sure that websites are accessible to the blind, or those with loss of hearing. She is very passionate about her work. I mentioned this exhibit to her and she said, "Yeah, I've been meaning to take that in. The history of the disabled is a history of oppression." Strong words, and I agreed. Then for some reason I told her another story (I really can't recall how we got onto this, it just sort of flowed) I told Monica how a school in our neighbourhood used to give out Bibles, well it was Gideons that actually did it. And that a school trustee got behind a protest to stop this, saying it was pushing religion, saying it was oppressive to others, etc. What was weird, was the folks from Gideons didn't stand in the school yard and hand out bibles - you had to fill out a request form and hand it in to the school – I know this, because Eli, at Laura Secord at the time, had asked for one.
Monica thought about this for a second and I could almost see the lightbulb of epiphany go on – "But that's not fair. That is oppression." Then she said, "Craig, I just realized something. I stereotype Christians, I see them as narrow minded, judgmental, holier than though people – they really get on my nerves."
"But I'm a Christian." I said
"Yeah, but we never think of you as one." A pause. "Hmmm… this really changes things."
Now, would you say I was finally sharing my faith there? Would something grow out of that little half of a half a mustard seed? It's really hard to know. At this point it really isn't in my hands.
But here is what hit me, truly just a few days ago. In my conversations with the reluctant evangelist Gord (who I mentioned last week) if I had to pick a moment where things really changed for me – it was when I discovered that with all the sensitivity to different minority rights, and inclusion, and political correctness (of the good sort) there was still one group it was okay to bash. Christians. I said this out loud to Gord, like I was just discovering it myself. "I said, that can't be right. Hmmm…this really changes things." And it did.
Sharing your faith is about friendship. It is about journeying together, its about more questions than answers, and often, more listening than talking, it's not about doctrine and propositions, it's about stories.
Go and share your story.
Craig Terlson June 29, 2008